For some reason, we started going crazy over the idea of how bad my fashion sense must look to the very beloved and very awesome Fashionista that is Carrie... In a nutshell, we were fixated on the part in my post where I said that no matter what dress I pick for my bridesmaids to wear, it will always look something like this to Carrie:
Think ultra-ruffled hoop skirt with more ruffles that climb up to a super high neck. Then the neck has shoulder pads that climb up above the ears and drop down to tight, sparkly, long sleeves with ruffles on the ends... the whole dress covers everything but the legs and for some reason opens at the cleavage for that tacky peek-a-boo breast look. That's what she will see no matter what I choose. She will grin and bear it for me for that one night, and then burn it.So, we started fantasizing about what this dress would really look like. We put on our Carrie Goggles and started Googling "sparkly ruffled short hoop skirt high shoulder pads" and adding little things like "peek-a-boo cleavage" and "rhinestones" to the mix to see what would come up, knowing that somewhere out there, someone has created my ultimate "perfect" bridesmaid dress.
Unfortunately, we got disconnected and I couldn't call her back, so in the spirit of continuing our conversation I decided to post the spoils.
Now before you roll your eyes for the umpteenth time, pause and be serious for a second. We all know that I've known Erica the longest... terrible twos, snarky sixes, thoughtless thirteens and beyond--so we bring out some vintage awesomeness in one another and we can get really infantile in the best way, so don't judge... just enjoy! We've got a license to pull out our juvenile delinquent selves on a whim and be this silly whenever we want to and all of you who love us, you know you just have to either enjoy the ride or deal with the consequences... and it's far easier to enjoy the ride, trust us.
So, I was surprised at first at how few dresses out there were truly ugly. I mean, there's some tacky or tarty pieces out there... but all of them had some appeal or something salvageable. I couldn't find something TRULY WRETCHEDLY HIDEOUS!
Donna Versache would hate me for saying this, but even my search for over-sized shoulder pads came out kind of sexy and stylish. I even forgave too-much ruffled shoulder pads, billowy short dress (but probably because an Olsen was pulling it off--stylish little cupids, aren't they)?
I have to say that, ultimately, I found some incredible hits, and some incredible misses in the fashion world. Some of the ultra tacky dresses, I even liked. It turns out, high couture garbage is totally in.
So let's take a look at what we found was
and
Well, I've kept you long enough... Put on your skirts and high heels, we're going for a ride:
Let's go!
Truly Awesome
The first category of weirdness
This dress came up in my ugly search often. I was shocked to see how people are so quick to judge something as I saw a lot of adequate or beautiful things.
Mostly, I find that it's the person wearing it who judges it the worst. If someone feels they don't look 100% glamorous in the outfit, or it's not flattering them to their best form, they blame the outfit for being hideous. That's just not true. Even with this one, sure it's a little risky, but it's still flattering and it's hard to hate. With the colors and obvious butterfly influence, I find the dress is both conceptually and structurally pleasing. My verdict is: NOT ugly.
Come on, this is just awesome! Would I ever wear this? Maybe... on October 31st or for a theme party... yeah, I'd dare to dazzle everyone in my futuristic light-up gown. I mean seriously??? Puh-lease, we can do worse than this!
Okay, this one's just cool. It's costumesque, it's exotic, it blends patterns in a way that doesn't clash due to the classy monochromatic scheme and I expect someone in a Tim Burton film to rock the tarantella in this like hot steamy sex on rock hard ice.
Like my caption on Twitpic infers: this one has all the wrong elements, but I really like it. It's totally right.
Truly "Um?!?" Borderline
Now entering the second tier of weirdness
Okay, maybe I wouldn't wear this one myself, and I surely wouldn't ask any of you to wear it for my WEDDING (blackmail or photo shoot, maybe), but it's conceptual and cool for what it is. I have a feeling Matt would love it. Shoulders baby, shoulders!
This one was borderline, because it's kind of cool, but ugly at the same time. Sure, the designer probably wanted you to think 'wet' because it looks like a used umbrella that just got out of a violent, bleak and miserable storm, hanging upside down, half open to dry... but the translation is too literal to get a passing grade in fashion. The designer lacked subtlety so it's just not offensively hideous enough to put in the "ugly" or "wrong" column, but it's not quite the worst fashion blunder of all time.
This one has the power to go either way.
Truly Awful
Welcome, Welcome my friends, to: Le Dungeon
The first one I found on Light In The Box, which is a site where they create gowns and dresses from banquet to prom to wedding for less and even sometimes even try their hands at knock-off gowns. The place is located in China, so they can produce an entire gown, ship it and sell it for less than you would purchase the same (or similar) style in your average department stores. Well... let's just say, that this "find" totally matches the manufacturer's name in a dirty and wrong way.
Oh wow... that's soooo offensive! But it goes well with the next one:
I feel a cramp coming on... Oh, no worry, any period is a simple period for [da-da-da-daaa] MASTER TAMPON GOWN!
Careful! If you look at this too long, you might contract a disease.
It's a vampi--uh... it's the green gobl--uh... spiderma--uh... it's a hot air baloo--um... Maybe it's a frog with warts and boils on it's back... No. Seriously, what IS That?!?
"... Daughter, Judy..." Wait. There's no Jetson's themed music playing at all... I must be high from this gown... This dress is out of this world!
I want to cry for whomever this woman is...
...and I want to laugh at whomever THIS woman is! Then apologize immediately.
Spirit Fingers!
IT is NOT a joke when I say that this one is actually sold as an expensive and coveted Haute Couture bridesmaid gown. How could anyone question my love (or taste) when they know they could be in this dress instead? Imagine, spending a wad of cash just to look like a wad.
Oh yeah...
Bling Bling without the wedding ring... we're getting close to the description... close
To the left to the left, everything you own in a box on your torso! Although it's slightly fashionable, I am sure nobody here would proudly wear that to my wedding and again everywhere after... But if they did, I would invite them out more often.
p.s.
Too bad I already got my gown. I could have done this look:
http://www.instablogsimages.com/images/2009/12/30/br2_FJtqb_15699.jpg
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